Scotland: puddle-drinkers and a crossword puzzle

March 6, 2017 at 6:42 pm (Beyond parody, conspiracy theories, Guardian, nationalism, scotland, SNP)

By Dale Street

Last week turned out to be a particularly busy one for the flag-waving puddle-drinkers* who wallow in self-righteous denunciations of any slight – real or, more often than not, imagined –to the Holy Trinity of Scotland, the SNP and Nicola Sturgeon.

It began at the weekend with Sadiq Khan’s speech to the Scottish Labour Party conference: “There’s no difference between those who try to divide us on the basis of whether we’re English or Scottish and those who try to divide us on the basis of our background, race or religion.”

The statement had been preceded by references to “Brexit, the election of President Trump in the United States and the rise of right-wing populist and narrow nationalist parties around the world.”

It was followed by criticisms of “some in Scotland who try to define London as your enemy … They make out London is always working to undermine Scotland. That is not my London and it’s not Labour’s London.”

Denouncing the SNP as divisive and nationalist and part of a broader surge of right-wing populism touched a raw nerve. But what did a Black Muslim mayor of the biggest city in Britain, elected in the face of a campaign based on bigotry and division, know about such things anyway?

A lot of Khan’s critics seemed not to have even understood (or wanted to understand) what he actually said: “SNP equals Nazis is Labour’s new defence of Britain? Do you oppose all nation states then? … He just called 50% of Scots racists. Some understanding!”

Instead of speaking in Scotland, Khan was advised to concentrate on the problems he had created in London: “I just don’t know who the hell Sadiq Khan thinks he is. He has already got London into a Bengali slum. He needn’t start on Scotland. He needs to go.”

Needless to say, there was no sympathy for those who defended Khan’s comments: “Load of nonsense. You’re defending a libelling scumbag who has come to Scotland and lied, as did Corbyn.”

In fact, the publication of an article defending Khan on the Guardian’s website triggered a fresh round of breast-beating indignation among nationalists who – when not engaged in unending attempts to gag critically minded journalists – excel in extolling their toleration of dissent.

“Sadiq Khan was not wrong to compare Scottish nationalism to racism or religious intolerance, at least not entirely. Someone has to say it: the parallels are clear,” wrote Claire Heuchan, “as a black Scottish woman I too fear the politics of division. Zeal for national identity inevitably raises questions of who belongs and who is an outsider.”

Within 24 hours Heuchan had been hounded off Twitter by cybernat abuse: She was an African who had no right to discuss Scotland, she was not really Scottish, and the University of Stirling should sack her (even though she was a student, not an employee, at the university).

Running true to form, Wings Over Scotland, the ultimate form of Scottish-nationalist low life, took the lead in abusing Heuchan: “What an absolute galactic-class cuntwit.”

The news that Heuchan had quit Twitter was the signal for another round of abuse and denunciations – of Heuchan herself.

“More MSM Yoon propaganda. Unqualified nonsense. … Her piece was sanctimonious self-regarding claptrap from a Unionist shill. It got the reaction you were hoping for. … I’m sure some people did step over the mark, folk are angry, but this cry victim shit is unbelievable.”

“Woman who linked racism with Scottish nationalism quits Twitter over severe case of embarrassment/shame There ya go, fixed. … Her accusations were disgusting and her views should not have been published. … Someone writes an awful uninformed piece of clickbait, is asked questions, locks her account and runs away. Fake news.”

By Wednesday it had become clear that the publication of the piece by Heuchan was part of a sustained attack by the Guardian on the SNP and its leader. The proof was provided by that day’s cryptic crossword.

12 across: Ruling nationalist’s way to encourage progress. And right next to that, 14 across: Carmen is close to perfect for discriminating fellow. Answers: “Sturgeon” and “Racist”. This could not possibly be a coincidence!

“So the racist crossword is real. Let’s be clear about this: the Guardian is pure British establishment. They are an attack dog for the UK. … Why did you imply in your crossword that Nicola Sturgeon was a racist? Why are you stirring it up? Call yourselves liberal?”

“This is a deliberate slur on our elected First Minister. Guardian: like the rest, no respect for democracy. … This is no coincidence. I worked for a crossword compiler and they are checked for possible ‘unintended’ inferences. … Why is this a conspiracy theory? It’s fact, not a theory.”

Inevitably, the cryptic crossword was not only the trigger for a second referendum (“This is today’s Guardian crossword. Time for #indeyref2.”) but also the trigger for yet another boycott campaign:

“I have cancelled my subscription today. Final straw: your outrageous clues in today’s crossword. … The Guardian never coming into this house again. … That’s the last donation to their news operation from me.”

(By this point in the week the puddle-drinkers had become so obsessed with the non-existent accusation that the SNP equals racism or the Nazis – please, take your pick – that they failed to notice that the answer to 1 down, which ran into “Sturgeon”, was “Prevent”.)

The week – and what a week it had been – was rounded off with the chance for yet another display of joyous, civic nationalism, occasioned by the Scottish Tories’ conference in Glasgow. It was too good an opportunity to miss:

“Let’s be clear. The Tory MSPs and Mundell launded by Ruth Davidson are the English Tory fifth column in Scotland. ‘Scottish’ in name only. … Oliver Mundell is the sort of public speaker that makes you wish his father had embraced his homosexuality sooner.”

“Ruth Davidson should be hanging her head in shame to call herself Scottish. She is working against Scotland. There is a word for that! … Would be a lot better if Theresa May stayed in a nation that votes for her rather than come to lecture a nation that doesn’t vote for her.”

(Leaving aside the equating of voting patterns with nations, Theresa May has never actually stood for election in Scotland – a nation where the Tories are the second largest party in Parliament.)

Last week began with contrived self-righteous indignation at Sadiq Khan’s argument that Scottish nationalism was a divisive political force. (Although we all know: Scottish nationalism is not divisive; on the contrary, it is simply better than everyone else’s nationalism.)

The rest of the week was one long vindication of what he said.




  1. Mick said,

    Oh dear. The fractured world of the PC Enlightened has turned into the Bash Street Kids having a punch-up. How do we stop laughing long enough to appraise the situation in a calm and reasonable manner. Indeed, these are the movers and shakers, the bright young opinion-formers to heal all our brains. So what could go wrong?

    After all, Khan has form for insulting people. He calls other Muslims a bunch of Uncle Toms, just because other Muslims want to behave themselves in a nice, inclusive modern Britain. And to think Zac Goldsmith was called names for calling him out on his nonsense.

    Wee lass Sturgeon says she respects referenda results, yet wants to stay in the EU and have another referendum on independence. Polls show over half of Scots still want to remain in the UK, where the action is. She’s also called a Tartan Tory for not being Marxist enough by the ones who are actually the pathetic losers. And her constituency is such a rubbish dump that her constituents bend her ear on television. So there’s another winning failure.

    The Guardian publishes articles like Of Course All White People Are Racist by Joseph Harker, while Scottish Labour themselves pontificate the loudest, while being the biggest waste of space of all.

    Oh yes, the Left are built for division. I’m genuinely impressed at the polished farce they dish up for us in this great theatre of the PC.

    • Glasgow Working Class said,

      Mick, Sturgeon is not daft. Her aim is about seperation at all costs and the more foreigners and refugees that come into Scotland is seen as a bonus for the Scot Nat si cause. Brexit would be a disaster for the Scottish Nat sis and moreso the Scots remaining in the Union. More real Scots that leave are a bonus for the Nat sis.

  2. februarycallendar said,

    All precisely the sort of people – the same attitudes, the same narrowness, the same ignorance, the same pettiness, the same nastiness, the same sheer, overriding, stinking *fear* – that you would get from Kippers in England.

    No difference. Not the blindest tiniest bit of fucking difference.

    The turning point for me, for what little it matters, was on the Digital Spy forums, where I would be confronted by people who had lived in the London commuter belt for decades (the owner of ‘Wings over Scotland’ himself, I believe, lives in Bath) saying that young Scots should live in a museum to keep North American & Australasian tourists happy (so much for being less Anglosphere-centric than the English) or by Scots putting the word “English” in inverted commas when referring to Multicultural London English speakers.

    Suddenly, I realised that these people were no morally better, no more progressive and no more the sort of people I wanted to live among than those in Dorset who suggest that the county’s young people should live in a museum to keep North American & Australasian tourists happy and put the word “English” in inverted commas when referring to MLE speakers (as quite a few no doubt do on both fronts), even if they may have been more likely to vote Remain or possibly to support public ownership of utilities.

    That, for me, was the wake-up call.

    And the same applies here to those calling people born and brought up in Scotland “African” or saying that London is a “Bengali slum”. No better – in fact, in some ways, worse – than those in Dorset who would call people born and brought up in England “African” or say that London is a “Bengali slum” (as quite a few no doubt do on both fronts), even if they may be more likely to vote Remain or possibly to support public ownership of utilities.

    And anyway, the real threat to the idea of Scottish culture that the SNP are supposedly concerned about protecting comes not from the BBC which they drone endlessly and tediously on about, but from Sky. About which they never say a word.

    Couldn’t be anything to do with retaining the support of the Scottish Sun, could it?

    The SNP’s chumminess with Murdoch should disqualify them instantly as a cultural nationalist party, and put them firmly on the side of the Right.

    • Mick said,

      The SNP are markedly left, in the PC dogma at home and proto-socialist rhetoric in the House. That SNP members and voters are supposed to be big on welfare reform and immigration control is also no surprise. After all, haven’t old school socialists and workers in England historically been the same? Modern connoisseurs of PC just can’t understand how those dockers once marched for Enoch Powell, never mind seen how the British Jobs For British Workers strikes recently got off the ground.

      That doesn’t mean the SNP is right wing or even safe. The party itself supports mass immigration, adoption of Sharia Law and the transfer of regained national sovereignty to Brussels anyway, a typical leftist internationalist position.

      The SNP has been rocked by four major scandals: the Abdul Rauf affair, Lunchgate, the release of the Lockerbie bomber and the Scottish Islamic Foundation affair… all of these to do with Islamic extremism and the SNP’s easy sitting with it. Indeed, one guy, Humza Yusaf, has a cousin called Osama Saeed who was a Muslim Brotherhood spokesman whose Islamic Foundation was found to have links to terrorism. But the SNP saw no cause for scandal.

      • Mick said,

        Ah, Lunchgate wasn’t about Islam, for once, but a very New Labour-style petty sleaze affair. These PC people are all the same! (Alex Salmond was even a communist at one point, like so many in Labour!)

  3. februarycallendar said,

    And of course the Guardian is far from perfect (it ran an apologia for landfill the day Stormzy got his number one album ffs, which is just the sort of thing the Tory scum leap on to say it’s just like them on that front, really) but on this front it *is* liberal, and Sturgeon is – in relative terms – conservative. No more so than Labour was for much of the Butskellite period (which is the analogy really), but still conservative.

    This is why the only commenter here, to the best of my knowledge, with even partial sympathies with the SNP is the only one who even partially sympathises with conservative socialism.

    Read the Wikipedia article on tartan techno, and specifically the comments on breakbeat hardcore. They say more than a million essays.

    And if the SNP get their way the real disaster will be for all the potential future Stormzys in England. And the McKippers won’t care one iota. Isn’t it obvious, reading some of this stuff, that they *like* the idea of millions of people who know no country but England being frozen out of their own land?

    Something very, very nasty has been unleashed, and it isn’t only Leave voters (in the EU referendum) who can be just plain nasty in all the most disturbing ways.

  4. Robert said,

    It wasn’t so much the anti-Tory sentiment in a next day headline in the Natsitional or Gnatshitonall — yon other advertising board of the proprietors of the Glasgow Whorold — which got me. It was “remember to parrot your cliches!” It’s just not human to fancy all Tories conniving actively to do down the NHS or whatever — and to engage in the crassness of Trumpery. People who witlessly dehumanise others dehumanise themselves!

    Even a fair number of 2014 YESSERS have had a second thought (as recommended to Prow Deadward — Prood Edwart — by the Corries) on the slithery ground of oil prices, but regardless of Mme Sturgeon’s own thoughts there are eedjits who’d rend her for being honest about the dread prospects for children, pensioners and the retired, of Scotland as the eastest of the West Indies (though being the northern bits of another eastest of the West Indies is no happy prospect).

  5. Glasgow Working Class said,

    Mick, Salmond has been all things to all men. He is looking old and is running out of steam. I doubt most of the SNP MP’S have the same hatred of England.

    • Mick said,

      Maybe not. I certainly hope they have the political nous to not be utterly disruptive in Parliament, which they haven’t been. Nor to be ceaselessly noisy about splitting the UK, which really would be madness when the EU slapped down Sturgeon’s dream of a separate Scotland in the EU after independence.

      The BBC’s election coverage in 2015 featured a bizarre segment where Dimbleby’s panel seriously mulled over David Cameron being the last PM of a United Kingdom. I’m sure the SNP know, deep down, there’s way more security as they are than in the crumbling Eurozone.

      • Glasgow Working Class said,

        Mick, the left are awfy quiet nowadays… No Progressive policies offered.

  6. kb72 said,

    Good article on yet another week in joyous, civic Scotland.

    What a miserable touchy place it has become.

    Minor national differences/ribbing used to be taken lightly. Now everything is weighted & freighted as reasons for indy.

    It looks like we are in for another divisive, damaging referendum which 3/4 of the country does not want & which will be to save Sturgeon’s face.

    • Glasgow Working Class said,

      She can afford to lose and will probably move to the EU and be forgotten. She will be remembered for her prop up shoulder pads like Imelda was remembered for shoes.

  7. Political Tourist said,

    Is Snarlene Foster still the FM of Norn Iron?

    • Glasgow Working Class said,


  8. David Walsh said,

    Apropos of nothing at all much, I wonder if the person who runs Wings Over Scotland got the name via the Alexander Korda film version of HG Wells’s “The Shape of Things to Come” in which the proto-fascists masquerading as a scientific / technical elite who save the planet from war and nations states were called “Wings Over the World” ? BTW I recommend the film as a classic example of the dilemmas facing intellectuals of the 1930’s who were being wooed the rival “planned technocracies” of Nazism and Stalinism. A version is on YouTube

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: