Now there’s a juicy scandal!

April 27, 2009 at 8:32 am (crap, funny, Iran, israel, voltairespriest)

I often seem to get myself into trouble for stating a point which is obvious to people in the normal world, namely mentioning the absurdity of hysterical left-wing “debate” about the Middle East and surrounding countries. Never in the field of human discourse has so much hot air been exchanged by so many people who know so little. But then every once in a while the real world becomes even more comical than the left-wing zoo, and this example really is a peach.

A couple of days back the BBC ran a story about a scandal in Iran over a capitulation to the Zionist Entity, the Great Satan’s Gendarme, Israel: yes, despite the authorities’ best efforts to be vigilant, Jaffa oranges were going on sale in Tehran, courtesy of clandestine imports! Iranian customs officials were swift to disavow any incompetence over this highly important breach of trade barriers, making it clear that if contrabrand fruit was going on sale then there must have been foul play involved. Mohammed Reza Naderi, deputy head of Iranian customs, said:

“In addition to the inspections, importers are informed about the laws and they will never take such risks for importing just a few tonnes of goods… Even if it is said that the oranges were imported to the country from Israel, the import was not done through official channels.”

A storm of protest ensued as Zionist Oranges threatened to over-run the country. Haaretz reported that there may not have been a real “citrus fruit conspiracy” but that in fact the name “Jaffa” was a brand that had been sold on to several countries. A pithy riposte for sure, but not one which satisfied those determined to remove the stamp of Zionism from their fruit drinks.

Then the truth came to light. The labels were faked, and the oranges had in fact come from China. The world’s lefties breathed a collective sigh of relief, walked away from the placard kits and returned to their Ethiopian Fair Trade Coffee and Farmer’s Market Toast. And so another day began, though the seed of controversy is never far away, so be vigilant my friends – your breakfast plate is more laden with political risk than you might think.

48 Comments

  1. Sue R said,

    Are you a Big Ender or a Little Ender on the question of hens’ eggs? Which way does it go into the egg cup?

  2. voltairespriest said,

    I’m more concerned about the origin and provenance of the egg – it has to be politically sound, you know.

  3. Sue R said,

    Well, it caused a civil war in Lilliput, so it must be important.

  4. entdinglichung said,

    btw. … is anybody boycotting oranges with the label Maroc because of the occupation of Western Sahara?

  5. les said,

    on the other hand, there seems to be a virtual embargo of jaffa cakes here in the states. i haven’t been able to find any in several months. do you think i should contact the tri-lateral commission, or maybe those nice chaps at illuminati headquarters? i have their secret fax number.

  6. Lobby Ludd said,

    “A storm of protest ensued as Zionist Oranges threatened to over-run the country….”

    Is that so, where?

    “Then the truth came to light. The labels were faked, and the oranges had in fact come from China. The world’s lefties breathed a collective sigh of relief, walked away from the placard kits and returned to their Ethiopian Fair Trade Coffee and Farmer’s Market Toast.”

    What are you on about? You seem to be getting upset about imagined madnesses.

  7. Renegade Eye said,

    Here the boycotters got into a tizzy over a modern dance concert.

  8. voltairespriest said,

    Oh bless you, Lobby. Read it again…

  9. johng said,

    voltaire, i don’t understand. you describe an ‘hysterical’ left. you then go on to discuss the iranian regime…are you per chance engaging in a bit of hot air yourself. I well remember people who used to become ‘hysterical’ about south african aparthied. if you go to the tomb you will see that some have been ‘hysterical’ about police violence of late. and the sacking of trade union militants on trumped up charges. Obviously such people should just calm down.

  10. Wobbly Willywellies said,

    Attention lumpen drones, for I have a pronouncement. I required medical attention in 1994 after mistakenly eating a Seeded Jewish Sunfruit (orange to you lot). As my tender internals are highly allergic to Zionist molecules of any sort, I drank a mixture of Domestos and Stoly vodka and regurgitated all therein.

    I now have Von Gunnersson’s Pump on hand at all times, a handy self-emetic machine that neutralises Jewish traces of all kind and, as an added boon, also provides me with sexual satisfaction. Crawl back to your stones now fake leftists, for I have finished.

  11. Sue R said,

    Actually, isn’t the real scandal here that thfe Chinese are passing off their oranges as Israeli?

  12. skidmarx said,

    Isn’t it rather rather odd that some Chinese businessman thought his oranges would sell better in Iran with Israeli labelling. Not the only fruitcake.

  13. Lobby Ludd said,

    #8

    :voltairespriest said:

    “Oh bless you, Lobby. Read it again…”

    Well, I did. Still don’t see it.

    Tchou.

  14. voltairespriest said,

    John:

    Leaving aside the fact that you draw on three different political examples and reactions to them which are in fact qualitatively different, it strikes me that you really don’t see the difference between passion (good) and hysteria (bad). If you think that the stupid and irrational bun-throwing which characterises much of both “sides” of the left’s debates on Israel-Palestine, is the same as the anti-apartheid struggle or opposition to police violence then I really do think that’s bizarre.

    Lobby:

    I’ll let you into a secret. The post is a joke. But don’t worry – the future’s bright, the future’s imported Jaffa.

  15. Dr Paul said,

    VP wrote: ‘… the stupid and irrational bun-throwing which characterises much of both “sides” of the left’s debates on Israel-Palestine…’

    Does this mean Sean Matgamna and Resister?

  16. Lobby Ludd said,

    VP:

    “I’ll let you into a secret. The post is a joke. ”

    And a very well-kept secret it was, too.

  17. voltairespriest said,

    Lobby: only as far as you’re concerned, apparently.

    Dr Paul: yes, and the SWP and the Sparts and Workers’ Power and much of the Euston crowd and… (continues to give examples for 10 years)…

  18. Lobby Ludd said,

    Sorry, mush, but I always thought humour was a key attribute of a joke :-)

  19. voltairespriest said,

    Indeed it is, but in this case a sense of humour on the part of the reader is key ;)

  20. David said,

    I blame the juice…

  21. Sue R said,

    lobby: Have you read Gulliver’s Travels? I’d advise you to, pbq.

  22. Lobby Ludd said,

    “lobby: Have you read Gulliver’s Travels?”

    Yes, several times – still found it a bit implausible though, especially the Houyhnhnms, they haven’t even got opposable thumbs for crissakes.

  23. Sue R said,

    For god’s sake man, it’s a political satire. SATIRE. A joke. Geddit?

  24. Sue R said,

    It’s just occurred to me, Lobby. Are you perhaps autistic, and thus unable to understand humour, having a literal understanding of language? Nothing wrong with that of course, but it might explain why you can’t recognise light-hearted banter.

  25. Lobby Ludd said,

    SueR, I think perhaps…. Oh shit, you know the rest (I half expect).

  26. Lobby Ludd said,

    “Are you perhaps autistic, and thus unable to understand humour, having a literal understanding of language? Nothing wrong with that of course, but it might explain why you can’t recognise light-hearted banter.”

    I know your amateur psychiatry is mistaken – it doesn’t match my lived experience. As to your ‘Nothing wrong with that of course’, don’t be so patronising. Autism is not just another way of being in the world – for many it means a total reliance on others for daily maintenance.

    Don’t be so cheeky.

  27. Rosie said,

    Yes, several times – still found it a bit implausible though, especially the Houyhnhnms, they haven’t even got opposable thumbs for crissakes.

    Good point – and they’re building shelters and sledges. That bit might have been exaggerated though, and we could take the rest of it as being reasonably accurate. The mad scientists of the third voyage were pretty convincing – now they were autistics to a man (of the savant type).

  28. Lobby Ludd said,

    The more I think about the hols, the more I think:

    ‘Laputa, an ideal holiday isle beach-wise, but on the other hand rather unpleasant ‘.

    Where do you advise, SueR?

  29. Rosie said,

    There was this smart Struldbrug who managed to fool the actuaries and wring an annuity out of Northern Rock. Now that’s a toxic debt, if you like.

  30. johng said,

    Well yes Jim Denham is particularly lunatic on the subject, but no, I don’t see the difference between the arguments about Israel and those about South Africa (or indeed the other examples which any self respecting leftist would be angry about). Trouble is you young ‘uns don’t remember the debates about aparthied. For those who do the kinds of arguments about the boycott and Israel are uncannily familiar. This is recognised by some on the other side of the argument who are at pains to stress their opposition to the campaign against South Africa as well (boycotts don’t work etc).

  31. voltairespriest said,

    You haven’t understood the point about the difference between hysteria and passion/anger, have you? They’re not interchangeable words, and shrilly denouncing anyone who disagrees with you as an “Islamophobe” or a “Zionist” (or vice-versa a “Hamas Fascist” or whatever) is not a sign of anger or passion, it’s a symptom of hysteria and self-righteousness. That is what I was referring to in the post.

    I can’t believe you’re incapable of seeing something which is so self-evidently true, really.

  32. maxdunbar said,

    John

    Read Irshad Manji on Israeli ‘apartheid’

    http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,20867,21194124-7583,00.html

  33. Will said,

    “Sue R — Are you a Big Ender or a Little Ender on the question of hens’ eggs? Which way does it go into the egg cup?”

    Little end down. Big end up.

    I also recommend boiling your egg for the length of time it takes to smoke a Benson & Hedges cigarette (approx five minutes — but the ciggie timing method is better — I have found this to be the case through many years of experimentation).

    Don’t forget your soldiers (buttered of course).

  34. voltairespriest said,

    Breakfast of champions, that is!

  35. Will said,

    Oh — forgot to say Sue…

    Delia also has a handy tip to prevent the egg cracking in the pan — it involves a pin and that:

    http://www.deliaonline.com/cookery-school/how-to/how-to-boil-an-egg,3,AR.html

    I don’t bother with that myself as i am a bit of an expert at boiling eggs — also worth mentioning that you should only be eating free-range, and if possible only organic eggs as they are far superior to the other cheep shite (not to mention the ethical dimension involved in choosing the free-range option).

    Also worth mentioning — don’t microwave eggs:

    http://www.blacktriangle.org/blog/?p=741

  36. Will said,

    You are not wrong there mister priestly incantation.

  37. Will said,

    “Little end down. Big end up.”

    Actually — that is a perfect description of Gameboy — I now neeed to work out how long to boil his heed.

  38. voltairespriest said,

    You are not wrong there mister priestly incantation.

    Expert on breakfast matters, me. Now, if I can just track down that shipment of Zionist Eggs wot I ordered from Tehran Tesco…

  39. Ridley the Monkey Hanger said,

    Zionist Eggs

    So you have seen my Alien tetralogy — a thinly disguised allegory of the encroaching zionist menace?

  40. Lobby Ludd said,

    I am disturbed that right ear’oles understand the beauty of correctly cooked eggs, and how to do it. It makes them more human and more difficult to relate to. It is far easier to deal with caricatures than the people behind them.

    So, Will, just fuck off.

  41. Ridley the Monkey Hanger said,

    I think Will might be about to suggest you drop your clacker bag in a deep-fryer…

  42. Will said,

    Sobby Fudd — I have recipes that would make yoor eyes bleed.

  43. voltairespriest said,

    Bizarrely it would seem that Lobby’d be more comfortable with that, rather than happily swapping cookery tips. Each to their own I suppose…

  44. Lobby Ludd said,

    I have always favoured little end up. Just habit, I guess. Tomorrow I will try big end up.

    Recently I have taken to reading the words on food packaging. Apparently eggs should be stored pointy end down. I would like to know why.

  45. Janine said,

    Oh dear. Once again I intend to comment on the subject of the post, then end up having to correct misinformation about autism instead.

    Firstly (#24), autism does not necessarily confer an *inability* to understand humour. Yes, literal thinking might mean a person on the autistic spectrum finds some humour hard to find funny, but I have yet to meet an autistic person without a sense of humour.

    I expect that Lobby’s inability to understand Volty’s sense of humour is because Lobby appears to have an automatically hostile, and therefore over-serious, reaction to any post on this blog. Too busy looking for something to slag off to see anything to laugh at.

    And secondly (#26), it is only in the minority of cases at one extreme of the spectrum that autism “means a total reliance on others for daily maintenance”. Many autistic people are capable of independent living to a greater or lesser degree, especially if they get the sort of support form society that they need.

    Neither stereotype-mongering, nor the use of autism as a weapon in a political bunfight about a completely different subject, constitutes ‘support’.

    • Lobby Ludd said,

      Sorry to belabour an off topic comment:

      ‘And secondly (#26), it is only in the minority of cases at one extreme of the spectrum that autism “means a total reliance on others for daily maintenance”.’

      Indeed, but then this is not a contradiction of my point that many need ‘total care’ (incidentally many need extra support, as you note).

      “I expect that Lobby’s inability to understand Volty’s sense of humour is because Lobby appears to have an automatically hostile, and therefore over-serious, reaction to any post on this blog. Too busy looking for something to slag off to see anything to laugh at.”

      I’ll leave aside my (in)ability to ‘understand Volty’s sense of humour ‘. No, I am not automatically hostile, but I generally comment when I disagree.

      In the main I agree (actually ‘sympathise’ is the better word) with VP, am puzzled by Jim Beam’s Zionism and wonder about the young social democrats who write articles here.

      I do not intend to be burningly serious, and didn’t think I was.

      • Janine said,

        I dispute the word “many”, espcially relative to the total number of people on the autistic spectrum.

  46. Janine said,

    By the way, one answer to the very good question in #4 “is anybody boycotting oranges with the label Maroc because of the occupation of Western Sahara?” is

    “Not George Galloway. He’ll be ordering extra Maroc because he supports that occupation.”

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