Into the depths of insanity

May 28, 2007 at 5:07 pm (hell, insanity, perversity, voltairespriest)

As some of you may know, I have recently been subjected to questioning whilst in the Dentist’s Chair of the ever-charming Hak Mao, as part of what may become a regular feature on her blog. One of the questions asked was if I could have three people shot, who would they be?

My initial response at the time was to take the opportunity to off the obnoxious “Barry Scott” from the Cillit Bang commercials. However, I then did a little research, and realised that some people are much, much worse. For instance, I think that slow torture followed by a hail of bullets would be too lenient for the sort of deviant who could make the video below. It features Barry Scott, but as you’ve never seen him before. Be warned, watch at your peril – your life will never be the same again.

I’m off to sit and hug myself, rocking, whilst sobbing silently, in a darkened room…

38 Comments

  1. Jim Denham said,

    Do you not do post-modern irony, Volty? That video was a masterpiece. And you’ve got to admit: cleaning half the penny like that is bloody impressive. Keep spreading the word, Barry!

  2. voltaires_priest said,

    You won’t be saying that at 4am when you wake up in a cold sweat shouting “Limescale! Rust! Ground in Dirt!” in your sleep….

  3. stroppybird said,

    as opposed to arse , feck, nuns …

  4. stroppybird said,

    Just watched it…yep, he should be shot .

  5. Will said,

    Nothing wrong with Barry.

    Honest day’s work for an honest day’s buck. Him just doing his best to survive really.

    Volty does though, display his highly developed petit-b idealism for all to see. It’s his whole knowledge base in this instance (obviously). For the Priestmeister everything is a socially mediated mental activity that amounts to – well – basically nothing . Wholeness and an all encompassing dialecticical framework really amounts to a faddish and subjectivist banality as far as Volty is concerned. There is of course, no reason the rest of us should be held hostage to such utter crap.

    As you were comrades.

  6. tim said,

    Bloody Amateurs.
    These three shot themselves.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Az_9oCpqp78

  7. Karl-Marx-Straße said,

    What kind of name is “Cillet Bang” for bascially, a slightly scary bottle (due to the neon colouring) of cream cleaner? And who is this Mr. Scott? Is he some kind of student hero in the UK, Volty? The spawn of Terry Scott and a deviless? And there’s no reason why that couldn’t be a real advert (I’m assuming it isn’t real). When it comes to shooting, surely all kinds of advertising agency ‘creatives’ would be on that list?

  8. Karl-Marx-Straße said,

    I’ve just wasted 50 seconds of my life to watch a genuine “Cillet Bang” commercial. It’s not that different, is it? What are these people on? Do they drink the stuff?

    See what people are saying about the ways Cillit Bang helps keep your surfaces looking clean all the time. And don’t keep a good thing to yourself! If you have a Cillit Bang story contact us and tell us about it!“Cillit bang is the best thing since sliced bread!”

    There was an Open University programme on how BBC journalists were trained using The Day Today, to show them “not to go too far”. Obviously that hasn’t worked – but it seems that PR executives must be learning from it too if they make ads like these. Is there a new Hovis ad where the lad on the bike breaks in to a house and takes some heroin? Hang on, I might try and sell that idea.

  9. voltaires_priest said,

    Volty does though, display his highly developed petit-b idealism for all to see. It’s his whole knowledge base in this instance (obviously). For the Priestmeister everything is a socially mediated mental activity that amounts to – well – basically nothing . Wholeness and an all encompassing dialecticical framework really amounts to a faddish and subjectivist banality as far as Volty is concerned.

    Are you channeling Alan Woods now, mechanoid bollocks? :lol:

  10. Will said,

    Was bored.

  11. Simon B said,

    Volty, why are you watching adverts? Make a cup of tea or go to the loo, or faliing that, flick.
    I don’t remember ever seeing the ad, although the version posted here is great.

    Anyway, she’s far more annoying:
    http://www.creen.demon.co.uk/2004/lucybluyes.gif

  12. al-khiyal said,

    I think you would do as a favor if you hang yourself as soon as possible.

  13. al-khiyal said,

    oops

  14. Simon B said,

    What a charming man al-khiyal is.

  15. voltaires_priest said,

    What’s more he can’t even spell “us”. That’s for the reason that we in the trade refer to as his Fucking Stupid Twat issues.

  16. voltaires_priest said,

    Was bored.

    Fair ’nuff, big fella

  17. hakmao said,

    Fucking Stupid Wanker issues ?

    I believe the background noise to that youtube was something you teenagers call ‘music’ (NB: not ‘muzhik’).

  18. voltaires_priest said,

    No worries, Hak, the guy at whom I addressed those comments has suffered Man With Tiny Cock Issues since childhood, which produced his current Twat issues.

    A great shame really. There should be welfare programmes for Twats with Tiny Cock Issues who Work Out Their Frustrations on the Internet. But alas, the world is insufficiently enlightened to provide such care free of charge, so guys like that are left wandering the internet in desperate search of some reason to exist. Except that one of the side effects of Twat issues is an inability to express oneself in a manner that most people (and especially women) understand. So instead the unfortunate Twat is reduced to sputtering on the net about how ‘It would do as (sic) a favor (sic) if you (would-sic) hang yourself as soon as possible’.

    He doesn’t know why he does it. He cries himself to sleep every night. Don’t be angry at him. Have pity.

  19. Will said,

    Are you talking about Southpornpunchbowel again?

    Or maybe JOHN GAME?

  20. voltaires_priest said,

    Naah – the posts above are from a guy in the UAE with whom I had a row about a year ago on a discussion forum, from which he’s since been banned. He didn’t think I was piously religious enough. Well he got that right I guess.

  21. Will said,

    i hate him less now.

  22. voltaires_priest said,

    You get religion after midnight or something? The guy’s more pious than Savonarola and the Ayatollah Khomeini rolled into one.

  23. Will said,

    So?

  24. al-khiyal said,

    :D
    Did I mention religion? Did I mention homosexuality? Did I mention jews? Oh please !! Don’t bring them all here for the sake of insanity.
    I didn’t know that the few words I have written will make youupset to this point and go like a random paragraph generator throwing up words but saying nothig :D
    I just suggested to you to do what you said in the original post..but it seems you lack the courage to hang yourself like your friend is doing every single second of his life..oops what a a life I’m talking about?! You and him need to have a rest from the internet because something outside is taking place and it is worthy to be seen.

  25. voltaires_priest said,

    I didn’t mention Jews either Lazhar – how odd that you should happen to raise the subject. I believe that’s what they call a Freudian slip.

    In terms of obsession, I’m not the one who has set up an entire hate blog in the name of a forum moderator (for the benefit of the audience, “al-khiyal” is the name of the forum mod who had this chap banned), which I notice still gets updated to this day… talk about people who really ought to find something better to do. ;)

    Please tell for the sake of your own welfare that you’re not also still trying to rejoin every day as “hang_al_khiyal” and whatever other hundreds of names you’ve come up with. I think we both know that’s not normal behaviour. You were at it 24/7 at one stage – I thought you’d given up your job to do it full time. :lol:

    Time to accept that the world has moved on. Leave your computer for five minutes. Get a cup of tea. Read the paper. You’ll see that your obsessive battles with VCI forum mods really aren’t the be-all-and-end-all that you think they are.

  26. al-khiyal said,

    Haha !!
    Now you got back you sense of humor as you used to be.
    FYI I work on a computer and the few minutes per day I spend on teasing my friends like you cheer me up and make my day. I’m posting/moderation in a lot of of forums, and if you have never heard internet is wider than you think it’s revolving around VCI and its crappy zombies forums. I stopped posting there and blocked my account long before the ” Truman show director” licked admin’s ass to ban me just for the record. And your blind support to them is not impressing me as you couldn’t bear listening to a different opinion other than your absolute truth you think you are holding. The other guy has no “opinion” or “afraid to share it” that’s why you have taken his side without knowing what was going on. As result you have been rewarded by winning the moderation title.. I wonder if you moderated there something ever ? you and the rest of the team moberatorz ..the bunch of girlz he is PMing to them his erotic poems 24/7.

    Last not least I wouldn’t post here either if you didn’t mention hanging yourself.

    ps: :i wasn’t there 24/7 it was an automatic script doing on different computers we have at the office :D :D

  27. al-khiyal said,

    >What’s more he can’t even spell “us”. That’s for the reason that we in the trade refer to
    >as his Fucking Stupid Twat issues.
    LOL ..us you know my english sacks and I’m not willing to work on it us it’s just a tool if it works so it works to me :D
    I’d love to listen to you talking turkish tho :D

  28. Will said,

    I’ve gone off him now.

    Too many smiley faces for my liking.

  29. hakmao said,

    Into the depths of insanity

    Volty, you have to make it clearer that’s a post title, not a job advertisement.

  30. voltaires_priest said,

    And your blind support to them is not impressing me as you couldn’t bear listening to a different opinion other than your absolute truth you think you are holding.

    Not really a question of “absolute truth”; I’m just more interested in other stuff than I am in disputes on a message board. I mean for God’s sake, man – you’re still posting now as a mod from a totally different site, with whom you used to have a problem. You’re still updating a hate blog that you set up in his name. You really want me to believe you’ve let it go?

    And no I don’t think your English sucks (it’s my non-existent Arabic you should be asking about, not my rudimentary Turkish), although if you re-read what I wrote you’ll see that I don’t actually mention hanging myself. Hence the initial misunderstanding, you’ll find.

  31. voltaires_priest said,

    Volty, you have to make it clearer that’s a post title, not a job advertisement.

    Apparently :D

  32. al-khiyal said,

    Hahah..You talking about the “hate blog” ?! Wait wait !!What about the blessing you were giving to pages and pages of hate, insults and lies he was spreading everyday when you were passing by? HE was/is writing about a real identity putting in public his real name , do you think this is called “LOVE” ? And you say now you are not interested in disputes? Common volty you were online checking news too much for somebody who has something else to do.

    Anyway I admit I didn’t let it go ! I have found an “interesting funny material” to make jokes about. And I’m not thinking to stop it as long as the jerk is still there. The creation of the blog didn’t take 15 min and updating it once or twice a month won’t hurt my schedule. And most of ex-members of the zombie forum find it funny enough.

    >Hence the initial misunderstanding, you’ll find.

    My bad I didn’t read it correctly . Excuse my french then :D

    >I mean for God’s sake, man – you’re still ….

    I thought you were atheistic dude lol

  33. voltaires_priest said,

    And so, the mask slips. Prosecution rests, your honour.

  34. Simon B said,

    I don’t know if anyone will notice this, but here’s a variation I just found.

  35. Will said,

    another good one:

  36. Will said,

    The top comment on this one’s a beaut.

    “chuck norris please…i beg thee… kill barry scott before its too late!! chuck norris is the only person capable of doing so!!!!!!!!!”

  37. Will said,

    Bang!

  38. Jules said,

    Definitive:

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